Get To Know The Pen

My name is Joseph Rauch. I am 21 years old as of writing this. Today is December 6th, 2024, the day I release my first artist pieces and I couldn't be more excited to share them with the world. 

However, in this journey of making songs, inspirational pieces, & videos. I realized one reality among the greats. They all have a past. Most hide it. Some don’t. Most only show what they want to show. Most only show what their PR manager lets them show. I refuse to be like the majority of celebrities and role models who we esteem in our society. Too many are fake. And I can’t stand it. 

If I am going to be known for anything when they drop me down in that coffin it’ll be that I was a genuine man.

After all, if I am to inspire the masses, help those whose position I was once in and am still working my way out of. How can I do that if I’m not genuine? 

If I am to persecute the evils of this world, I must first account for my own evils. That way there is no hypocrisy. That way there is not a single chain any future haters, which I am sure will come, can grab onto to drag me down.

So, this is the full detailed story of my life. All my embarrassments, demons, regrets, sins, struggles, weaknesses out for you to judge. Go ahead and judge, the past means nothing when one embraces what people try to shame you with. They only have power if you give it to them, and I refuse to do that. 

But for those who truly want to change they will relate to my past and together we will make ourselves the people we want to be, live the lives we want to live, and create the futures we wish our yesterdays could have been. 

Growing up, my father was abusive. He would emotionally abuse my mother and my siblings and I. Around the age of 12 he was arrested for crimes against children. Forcing me to become the “man of the house” for nine years. He did not commit these actions against me or my siblings. But the fact is he was a bad man. He was also financially irresponsible and put my family in debt. This is my first embarrassment. The fact that my last name is associated with that of a bad man. But I will change that. I could have chosen to carry on the name of my step-father. But it would be a coward’s way out to not try to bring honor back to my family name. So I will do just that, by being a good man. What does a good man look like? An emotional encourager, financial provider, and physical protector to everyone in his life. I will be these things. I cannot be held responsible for the sins of my father, but I can do what he failed to do, be a good man. 

Come college, I dated this one girl. She was my first girlfriend. All throughout dating her my friends begged me to break up with her. They saw the red flags I didn’t want to see. I could see them, I was just so in love with the idea of being in love I failed to see that the person I was with was not someone who I should have been giving my love to. All of my savings account and going into debt later… 11 months later… and all my energy and resources trying to help her later… I broke up with her. I was finally free from all her lies, games, and abusive mental health behavior. As punishment for me breaking up with her, for they say no good deed goes unpunished. Her family sent me terrible messages. They wrote false and scathing reviews on one of my first books, forcing me to take it down. They even went as far as to make allegations and file no-contact orders against me while in school getting me kicked out of buildings illegally and tarnishing my name at Norwich University. How do I come back from this? By forgiving, I forgive and pray for the first girl I loved and her family. This is a regret, but it gets undone by remembering to work on myself and blessing those who curse us.

Again at college, my final year I was in a leadership role. I made it my mission to lead those I was assigned to the best of my abilities and make them the best versions of themselves. I had a different leadership strategy than that of my counterparts. While they wanted to lead with a harsh and strict environment. I chose to lead with a strict but fair environment. As one would expect, clashes in leadership occurred. Near the end of my career one of my people I was assigned to was stranded at the airport upon their return from Thanksgiving break. Policy was to schedule them a ride via the university however this would leave them stuck at the airport overnight and alone. Given I cared for my people I refused to let an individual I was tasked to mentor and watch out for to be in such a circumstance. So I provided a ride, shelter, and food for this individual. This individual was a female and given I wanted the environment to be safe and professional, I always made sure there were numerous witnesses around so it was never a one on one environment. The entire trip which lasted two days as the university was not open yet was conducted for the best interests of the individual I was assigned to mentor and watch out for. I fulfilled my duties. Once the other leaders found out about this they took their opportunity to remove their opposition and had me removed from my leadership role. I resigned as I did not want to fight such a battle. I did not have the energy after dealing with my first break-up which was messy to say the least. This is my regret, not fighting for what was right to the end. How do I come back from this? By always doing what is right, like I did when I was providing for one of my individuals. But, showing follow through, if I start something I’m going to finish it. 

Upon graduation I jumped from job to job, working at local fast food places to mind numbing cashier jobs all while trying to scrape together enough money to keep a roof over my head as I paid my parents rent so I could live with them, embarrassing as it is for a college graduate to still be living with his parents, and build my dreams. In this time I became severely lonely, and developed an addiction to pornography. The addiction lasted about three weeks. Then I realized that what I was doing was incredibly wrong. It was disrespectful to the beauty God had created, disrespectful to myself as it cause me to become weak and allow myself to give into instant gratification, and it was disrespectful because it made me like the ordinary men, whom the majority at some point in their life watched pornography. This is one of my embarrassments and sins. I felt like a fraud for writing songs and inspirational pieces on how we're supposed to be the best when I struggled with the things I preached to fight against. Which is why I must come back from this. How do I come back from this? I institute self discipline and I stop watching pornography. Period. No support groups or people to rely on for help. No relapsing. Self discipline. 

All my life I have been skinny, small, & frail. I was maybe 130 pounds soaking wet at 6’ tall on my 21st birthday. There’s nothing wrong with being skinny, but I felt weak. Since I was smaller than everyone else, everyone made up their minds about me being I even had the chance to show them what I could do. I was called names: gay, twink, child, all because I didn’t have muscles. That changed September 2023. It was that month I decided to start hitting the gym. It’s now November 21st, 2024. I’ve made progress but it isn’t anywhere near to the physique I want. This is one of my embarrassments. For allowing myself to be so weak. How do I come back from this? By pushing myself to the absolute limit, then going even further. Building and building every ounce of muscle by breaking every fiber in my body until I have become a man that I am proud of. 

All my life because of my weak build, and because of the constant bullying since first grade. I was always shy & quiet. Because of this I was called more names: loner, weirdo, strange. I was lacking so much self-confidence that I became weak and allowed the world to push me around in so many different ways. Allowing me to bend my morals and take a knee on principle. This is one of my regrets. How do I come back from this? I choose to always stand on principle from here on out. As John Adams said, “always stand on principle… even when you stand alone”. And that’s what I will do, and no forces of hell or earth could ever bring me to my knees again. 

I know some will say, I’m just writing this because I’m insecure and I’m trying to hold onto what little I have left. Some will say it’s because I’m ashamed and I’m trying to find rest for my restless soul. Some will say it’s all an act and in reality I’m pathetic. But say what you want. I’m going to be a good man, a Christian man, a man of follow-through, a man of self discipline, a man of strength, a man of principles. I will be what many cannot be. I will be what the haters will never be. I will be what those who are in the same boats I was in strive to be, who are struggling to stay afloat, and I will be their lighthouse, providing warmth, guidance, and inspiration. And truth is, I’m still in the same boat, so we’ll paddle together towards paradise. 

 

Let it be clear, I'm not here to hurt the world for it hurting me. I'm here to make sure it doesn't hurt anyone else. 

So let today, December 6, 2024, the launch of this artist’s journey, be the death of the man I was. The death of Joseph Rauch. And the birth of The Pen. What is my mission through The Pen? To make the world a better place by helping as many people as I can become the best versions of themselves.

My name is Joseph Rauch, and The Pen will write a story the world will never forget.